I just finished giving my speech “Humans are Hard, Code is Easy.” I ask for any questions. Hoping the first one is easy.

Michelle asks me, “Tom, I hear your message that developers need to develop soft skills. Where would I start?”

I was taken aback by that one. Wow! She sounded like she was desperate. As if she was asking me to throw her a lifeline.

Assess yourself

I was recently at a community college for an appointment. I walked around a little bit then I noticed a map. I spotted the “you are here” marking.

We can go anywhere we like. For starters, you need to know your current location. Now we can begin our journey.

Start

Jon Acuff is a pretty funny guy. I enjoy his podcast and writings. One of his first books is called Start.

Too many of us create goals or resolutions. Then we put the paper in our desk drawer. It hides in there under some old photos of my tight-rolled jeans in my senior picture.

Ask for feedback

Of course, ask for feedback. That is simple! The big problem we all have with feedback is don’t get defensive.

Listen to their point of view. Thank them. Consider it. Then decide what if any is useful.

A quick disclaimer. If this person is critical of everything then most likely disregard it. Some people enjoy complaining.

Be patient

Seneca once said, “I have learned to be a friend to myself”. Be kind to yourself. We are a work in progress.

Don’t expect your soft skills to improve overnight. These skills take time to develop. Along with a lot of hard work too.

Create a plan

What soft skills do you want to work on first? For many of us, communication is a problem. Perhaps you want to start attending Toastmasters meetings.

Make sure your plan includes time on your calendar too. Just planning to go to the Toastmasters meetings doesn’t happen. Put it on your calendar that you are going to noon on Wednesday.

Goals

I am a personal development junkie. I really enjoy Michael Hyatt’s goal-setting system. His book Best Year Ever is one of my favorites.

He walks you through how you can set up goals that work. A good achievement goal would be, “I will attend 10 Toastmasters group meetings by April 15th.”

This goal is specific and measurable. He has SMARTER goals instead of the common SMART goals. A subtle twist that can help you achieve more.

Accountability

Accountability can come in many ways. Perhaps you have a mentor that you can talk with. They can tell you if you are off base.

Bob Bowman was Michael Phelps's coach. He worked with him to get him in gold-medal form. Bob knew how to hold him accountable.

Flexible

This is a tough one for me. I can hold tightly to expectations. Our plans and goals must remain flexible.

Life can throw things at us. If you lose your job, your plans change. A few years ago I was let go.

I had to switch gears. Finding a new job was my new goal. Embrace the changes. This is a time to learn.

In conclusion, soft skills are something we can work on daily. Small steps will lead to great leaps. Get started on your journey.