My first encounter with a project manager was underwhelming. Steve was added to our team as it grew. He would come to meetings and ask for the status complete. Then occasionally Steve would share Gantt charts.

The group of developers would joke, “What does Steve do?”. Then we would speculate, “Drink coffee and ask questions perhaps.” We collectively felt he wasn’t helping.

Walk a mile

A few years later, I was offered a position to manage a team. Little did I realize that I was a manager, developer, and project manager. 3 jobs in one.

How hard can it be to be a project manager? Well, it is more than drinking coffee and asking, “What percent complete are you?”. It was a ton more work. I began to have more respect for Steve and project management.

Empathy

I thought wrangling code was tough! Try getting stakeholders to agree on deliverables… Wow! That took more time than sifting through Stackoverflow for the right answer.

I began to see and empathize with project managers. I peeled back the curtain. There were many additional responsibilities that I never knew. A good project manager can juggle these.

Okay, Tom, I want to work with my developers though. Here are three steps to help you get there.

3 steps to connect with developers

Over my many years in programming, I have learned how to connect and influence developers of all types.

Interest

In high school, I knew everything. Or thought I did. Thankfully I had a few teachers that tried to help me out. One suggested a book. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Unfortunately, I didn’t read it right away. A few years later I picked up a copy. It suggests you take a genuine interest in others. Be interested instead of trying to be interesting.

Project Managers can relate to developers by taking an interest in them. Listen to their discussions. Where are they getting stuck? Perhaps there is something you can do to help. Not all of their issues are technology-related.

Understanding

Children can be challenging. If you have a special needs child it can be more demanding. Our daughter has a hard time with noisy situations.

For instance, in elementary school class assemblies were quite chaotic. She had a hard time with them. Once we spoke to her teacher they were able to help her.

Similarly, developers can be introverted and shy. Lynn was a project manager I worked with. She was adept at handling a few of our shy teammates. I asked her once, and she revealed she had a son with Autism. “Having him has given me better empathy and understanding.”

Connection

Finding a connection with developers isn’t difficult. Although some of you may think, “I don’t want to talk about Star Wars and Star Trek.” That is a big generalization. (Of course, there is a big difference between the two, right Tony!)

For instance, I have worked with many developers from different countries. As a generally curious person, I enjoy hearing about their home country. Subha and I worked together for a few years. We spoke often of his family back in India.

This can all start from a conversation. Let them reveal what they are comfortable with. Don’t force the connection either. Be patient and listen to what they talk about.

Just remember to show up with empathy for your team. Connect with them by understanding their needs. Then you will see the collaboration thrive.